What More Could a Man Want Who Seeks a Complicated Life filled with Small Pleasures?

"I blew everyone's mind!" I said with excitement.

"Really?" my friend replied.

"Yeah, they couldn't believe the words I was spitting it out.  It was like I had everyone under my spell there."

"Listen," he paused for emphasis.  I knew what was going to proceed was going to be prolific coming from him, in the sense that someone who is usually reserved to making wise cracks, tries to push someone to understand the insignificance of their perceived accomplishment.

"Yes?"

"No offense, but you blew away a bunch of people in a sales position."  DAMN.  "It's not that you're not smart, it's that you have so much potential and being complacent is something you don't want.  Look at it as a short term fix."

He meant well.  I took no offense to any of it.  Why should I?  I know he's right, I knew this before he opened his mouth, but I might begin losing sight of why I was here..  The night ended and I can see he was somewhat distant.  He spent the greater part of the evening describing what he had to go through to get "where" he was.

Where was he?  

Living a lifestyle he wants.  Being paid his worth.  Being appreciated.  I believe he felt my excitement over my current "revolving door" job underscored the point he was trying to make to me.

"You need someone to give you a chance."

The night went on, we pounded a few beers (I think I might have had 6) and I said my good byes and began my walk to the subway to journey back to Brooklyn.  

What makes someone change?

It was all I could think of while I walked.  I looked at the magnificent buildings around me, wondering to myself what would it take to get here?  Do I need to change?  Does someone have to give me chance?  Can I will this into happening to me?  Is there a means to the end?

I wasn't depressed.  I don't get depressed anymore.  I spent too many years of my life feeling sorry for myself.  Even my friend's empathy was clawing inside me and turning into guilt.  Guilt because I don't want empathy.  Nobody should feel sorry for me.  I need to get to where I want to be on my own.  I still appreciate the encouragements and the votes of confidence.  If no one believed in me, then I don't know where I'd be.

I know what needs to be done, but I don't know the "how."  

I kept walking.  I sat on the train and meditated on the night which transpired.  I might have even sulked about it as well.  I made it this far.  I refuse to give up.  No more living in theory, now it's time to apply.